Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
