I just saw a hot homeless man
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found puke in my bra..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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