k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize