she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
