this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just invented taco cereal.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
