Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
