I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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