I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
