just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
