I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
