that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
