HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
