I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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