Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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