I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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