can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
