i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
