she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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