Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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