i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
