so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
