I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
