My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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