he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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