hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
