Soap is not a condiment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
