and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
