It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize