You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
