remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
