Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
