I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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