First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
