I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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