My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
