Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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