I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
