You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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