So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
