If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
