your parents love me but you hate me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
