What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize