I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize