My liver just broke up with me...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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