Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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