the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
