uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
