Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize