His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
