Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
