So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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