I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
