Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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