U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
