Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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