Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
