My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
