i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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