considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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