i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
