Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
