i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
