is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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