That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
