i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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