i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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