life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
