He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
