she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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