Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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