hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
