You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she looked like the before picture.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
