I am in a vortex of obligation.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
