Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
