And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
